When the waiting gets too much – trusting in God

So, you’ve been single for what it seems like forever. You appear to be the only singleton in your group of friends, and basically, you’re fed up! When you go out, you feel like the spare part, and find it difficult to be part of the conversation at times, as they’re often talking about ‘couply’ things. Sound familiar?

It may even have got to the point where perhaps people much younger than you whom you’ve practically seen born and grown up before your very eyes have got married before you!

It can be quite upsetting, even though you try to put on a brave face and it can be hard to keep up the pretence that everything is fine. After all, no one wants to see a sad, depressed face looking back at them!

I know how this feels as this is exactly what happened to me! I’ve seen my younger niece and nephew both get married before me, which was a bit galling to be honest!

It’s not that you’re jealous, per se, but you want to have what others have, i.e. a loving, committed relationship with a Christian partner, but it seems to be rather elusive.

People are always quick to tell you that you just have to be patient, that it will happen in God’s timing, usually by those who are already in either a long – term relationship, or already married, which doesn’t really help.

Waiting on God’s timing and persistence is important

So, what do you do to get through this somewhat difficult phase in your life?

Waiting and trusting in God during this time is very important.

You can find many verses in the Bible, which can help with the waiting process, for example, Romans  8, Verse 24 – 25:

24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what they already have?

25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Patience is truly a virtue, but not an easy one to perfect!

The key is patience, therefore and trusting in God; He knows what we need, and he will provide the right partner at the right time, so don’t give up or lose heart! It took me much longer than I thought it would to meet that special person, but I am now engaged to a wonderful man, who is most definitely worth the wait, so hang on in there!

While there may be many reasons you have not yet met that special person, timing is important. As a Christian, waiting for God’s timing, though difficult at times, will reap you dividends in the end if you can be patient and not get out ahead of His timing. So often impatience in this area ends in heartache, but if you can learn to flow with God’s timing you will one day see what He’s been working on behind the scenes of your life.

So, timing is important, but so also is persistence. You may have a dating profile up thinking that this is never going to work. However, there have been so many stories of members nearing the end of their subscription, and about to give up, when the right person came along, so it is important to not give up. Even if you decide to have a break, keep trying at a later date.

If you do have a profile up, perhaps it can do with updating, so why not put up a newer, clearer photo? Out of date or unclear photos should be taken down and replaced. Also, regularly review what you have written about yourself and try to improve on it. If it’s too long, people will likely lose interest, so shorten it if necessary and make sure you show your personality through your writing. If writing isn’t your thing, ask a friend to help out. Look out for future articles on this site on writing effective profiles.

The Importance of Prayer

Persistence in prayer too is vital. The Bible says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. ⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7 v 7-11 (NIV).

You may have been praying for two months, twenty years, or even more, but keep asking and one day God will answer.

Invest in Yourself

While you’re waiting to meet the right person, this is a wonderful time to invest in yourself spiritually, in terms of your relationship with God, and developing godly character by spending time with other Christians, with Him in prayer and in His Word.

Taking time to find out what God has called you to do is also important, as your mate’s calling will very likely complement your own. Perhaps God has called you to a ministry that is very low key and behind the scenes and this suits your character very well. You may not therefore feel comfortable with someone who wishes to be a missionary overseas. Or, you may be very active in your church and committed to personal growth in Christ. Therefore, someone who is not very serious in their faith at this time may not be a suitable partner for you.

Past wounds from previous relationships are also another area that needs to be addressed as these can cause barriers to love and undue problems once in a relationship. Michelle McKinney Hammond is an excellent Christian writer for women on godly relationships. There are also numerous secular coaches particularly for women, providing a wealth of paid and free advice and in the case of secular advice, do make sure it will enhance your relationship in a godly way.

So, never give up!

Click Christian Dating

 

 

 

No chemistry? Take a second look!

No chemistry? Take a second look

We’re all guilty of it. You  get chatting to someone new, and all is going well, you share a lot of things in common, and the conversation is flowing well.

But, and there is  big but, there is no chemistry! So what do you do, you, do you dismiss that person as a potential partner, and risk missing out on that relationship, because there were no sparks? It can be all too easy be quite dismissive of people because of that apparent lack.

Now we’ve all read or heard about the time when two people saw each other for the first time, their eyes met across a crowded room, and they fell in love! It may even have happened to you.

But how often does this happen in reality, and does it matter?

While it is true that we can be attracted to  someone instantly, does this always have to be the case?  Sometimes, there can be an instant attraction which can lead on to a relationship, but often this may not lead to anything further. You may not be so attracted to them when you actually get to know them better, because the attraction may have only been on a physical level, with no real depth to it. You may end up dating just for the sake of it.

So even if you don’t feel an instant chemistry with someone, should you just give up on a potential relationship with them?

Sometimes, you need to allow the friendship to develop  further, to see where it goes, and who knows where it could end up? You have nothing to lose, maybe your future marriage partner!

Dating as a single Christian can be daunting, but you also need to be a bit adventurous, if you are serious about finding that one true love.

 

Dating or marrying someone from a different Christian denomination – is this for you?

This has to be one of the most hotly debated topics that has dominated many Christians’ thoughts and discussions, often polarising and dividing opinion, and even families, for as long as we can remember.

We hear a lot about this, he goes to a  X Church, and she goes to Y church. Are the two denominations mutually incompatible or not? Baptist or Methodist, Anglican or Catholic? At the end of the day does it really matter which Christian faith backgrounds a couple come from? Do they have to have attended the same kind of church? Is  this going to be the deal breaker to end all deals?

This is all well and good if the couple met whilst attending the same church, no problems here, right?

But what if they met for example, at a Christian conference, or at a singles party?

Are they going to turn their back on who could be  a potential life partner, simply because they go to a church that is a different domination to each other?

Surely it doesn’t matter which church someone goes to? Sadly for some people, it does matter, and so will have to be thrashed out in good time, before embarking on a serious relationship.

We know that the Bible is very clear on believers not being unequally yoked to non-believers (2 Corinthians 6:14), but it doesn’t say anything about believers of two different denominations coming together, so what do you do?

You may be having these same thoughts, and maybe even find yourself  in this predicament? At the end of the day, does it really matter, and is it an insurmountable problem? I think the main issue here is: is does the other person demonstrate an active faith in God? Are they a committed Christian? What are their core Christian values, and do they jive with yours? Are the doctrines compatible? At the end of the day, shouldn’t the fact that both parties are committed Christians be the most important factor?

As with many things in life, this is going to have to come  down to compromise, which, let’s face it, you will have to do when you get married. For example, which church will you attend? How will you bring up your children?

Maybe if you get as far as being married, you may end up moving away from the churches that you both currently attend. In this case it might be easier to look for a church that is non-denominational, so that neither party needs to feel aggrieved or ignored, but this will require a good deal of forethought, good communication and prayer to ensure the best possible outcome.

It is never really a good idea to attend different churches on a regular basis: perhaps once in a while, or for special events is fine, but to continue this on a long term basis is not likely to be a good idea.

We all need to belong to the particular church community where we feel led to by God, the place where we feel at home, and can put down roots, becoming an established member over time, and contributing to the church family in some capacity. It is never a good thing to be a ‘church hopper’ at the best of times, as by doing so, you will never really put down any roots, which will make it difficult to establish relationships, or to serve the church community with any real level of commitment.

This problem will only be exacerbated by there now being two people in the mix, with differing views on this topic.

This could be problematic, as if you go to different churches, they will both have their different faith traditions. One church may be run along more traditional lines, perhaps where hymns are sung, accompanied by a church organ,  while the other has a  much more contemporary approach, where modern songs are sung, accompanied by a group of guitarists, for example.

It can be quite daunting for someone who isn’t used to a particular method of worship, in fact it can feel quite alien.

This is where pre-marital counselling can be of enormous benefit, as these questions can be discussed in advance, before any firm decisions are made, and also through seeking God in prayer. You may also know of a couple who have already faced this situation, and you could chat to them to see how they have worked this out, preferably successfully? What compromises did they have to make? Are they happy with the decision that they made? However they did this, it probably won’t have been an easy decision to come to.

As always, good, open communication is key, when making these life -changing decisions, so that you are both very clear about these issues well before you take your relationship to the next level.

Being a committed Christian should be  the basis for any serious Christian  relationship, after that everything else should be up for discussion, you wouldn’t want to miss out on a potential love relationship, or even a marriage partner!

 

Too busy to find love?

Let’s face it, the world we live in is moving at an increasingly fast pace.

There is so much information at our fingertips, we are liable to suffer from information overload! We spend ever longer hours at work, we have to fit in time for exercise, we need to meet up with our  friends, go to church , and of course social media is increasingly taking up more and more of our free time than ever before. Yet we complain that we don’t have time to find love. Is that really true?

If so, then  what is the solution to this modern day conundrum?

The importance of scheduling in time to look for love

We say we want to find someone to ultimately form a serious loving relationship settle down with, and marry, but how are we going to fit this into our already overcrowded lives? Where are we going to make the compromise, will it be less time on Facebook, or perhaps less time at the gym?

Whatever we decide, we have to put things into perspective, truthfully and prayerfully assessing what are the most important things in  our lives at this moment in time. Can some activities take a backseat for now, or certainly have less time devoted to them for a while?

What are your main priorities? This requires some good, hard consideration – if something is important to you, you need to make time for it, or the time just won’t exist! You need to make this a priority in your life. Are you really serious about this? Do you really want to find that special someone or not?

Chances are, they won’t suddenly drop from the sky at your feet, or pop up at the next church event, although that is not outside the realms of possibility, but failing that, common sense dictates that you’re going to have to take some action, yes, the ball is in your court, believe it or not!

You now need to assess the current situation, and take matters in hand!

Are you doing enough to ensure you are maximising your chances of meeting someone, falling in love and getting married?

It is just like when you are looking for a new job, you have to build in time to do this, having determined that this is what you want. Make this an enjoyable project that you have to complete. After all, the outcome could be the start of the next phase of your life! Start to reclaim some of that time you say you don’t have!

This is when using online dating sites comes in handy. Okay, maybe you don’t have lots of time to physically go out, and  find and meet lots and lots of potential dates, but you can set aside allotted time to review potential matches online, and all from the comfort from your sofa, or bed.

Deciding on the sort of person you would like to meet

The first thing you need to do is to draw up a list of the sort of person that you are looking for; you need to be very honest here, but certainly you also need to approach this with an open mind; after all this may have been where you were going wrong before?

Perhaps you could enlist the help of a couple of close friends who you feel really know you, and who would be honest (but not brutal!) in their assessment of you and your personality – they could also help you to write up a scintillating profile that is going to get you noticed for all the right reasons!

How does your profile stack up?

The profile (as well as the right photos of you)  is key here – you don’t want to undersell yourself, but then again, don’t put things that aren’t true! You’ll soon be found out! For example, if you say you like sky diving, is this really true, and would you be prepared to actually do this? A potential dating partner may read this, and be hooked on this fact alone!

Of course, you may have already completed a sky dive for a dare, or for charity….this is a great ice breaker, and will certainly get you noticed, especially if you have posted up the pictures showing you in full flight!

Of course, this may not be your bag, so think about what it is you are passionate about – you may not be an adrenaline junky, so what makes you special? What activities do you engage in that really make you happy? It may be volunteering for the homeless, but whatever it is, this needs to come across clearly in what you have written in your profile, so that the reader can really see your personality come across, as this will be the first thing that they will see, as there will be lots of stiff competition out there!

Once you have drawn up your search criteria, and written up your profile, this should help to make your time online much more effective. If you commute to work by train, perhaps you could use this time to do some searching, or perhaps a couple of lunchtimes a week. What about cutting back on some of your other activities for a while?

When you think about it, you can make time for just about anything when you set your mind to it. Of course you may not meet the love of your life at the first go, so do be patient! They say Rome wasn’t built in a day… so don’t expect miracles, but be persistent!

 

 

 

New Year, New Possibilities for Finding Love…

As you reflect on the past year, it may be with some regret. Perhaps you tried online dating and it didn’t work for you, or perhaps you went on a few dates, but you still find yourself single as the end of the year approaches. Although you might be feeling discouraged, this is a great time of year to look to the New Year with renewed enthusiasm and all the possibilities it holds for finding love and removing any barriers to make that dream a reality.

Waiting on God’s timing and persistence is important

While there may be many reasons you have not yet met that special person, timing is important. As a Christian,  waiting for God’s timing, though difficult at times, will reap you dividends in the end if you can be patient and not get out ahead of His timing. So often impatience in this area ends in heartache, but if you can learn to flow with God’s timing you will one day see what He’s been working on behind the scenes of your life.

So timing is important, but so also is persistence. You may have a dating profile up thinking that this is never going to work. However, there have been so many stories of members nearing the end of their subscription, and about to give up, when the right person came along, so it is important to not give up. Even if you decide to have a break, keep trying at a later date.

If you do have a profile up, perhaps it can do with updating, so why not put up a newer, clearer photo? Out of date or unclear photos should be taken down and replaced. Also, regularly review what you have written about yourself and try to improve on it. If it’s too long, people will likely lose interest, so shorten it if necessary and make sure you show your personality through your writing. If writing isn’t your thing, ask a friend to help out. Look out for future articles on this site on writing effective profiles.

The Importance of Prayer

Persistence in prayer too is vital. The Bible says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7 v 7-11 (NIV).

You may have been praying for two months, twenty years, or even more, but keep asking and one day God will answer.

Invest in Yourself

While you’re waiting to meet the right person, this is a wonderful time to invest in yourself spiritually, in terms of your relationship with God, and developing godly character by spending time with other Christians, with Him in prayer and in His Word.

Taking time to find out what God has called you to do is also important, as your mate’s calling will very likely complement your own. Perhaps God has called you to a ministry that is very low key and behind the scenes and this suits your character very well. You may not therefore feel comfortable with someone who wishes to be a missionary overseas. Or, you may be very active in your church and committed to personal growth in Christ. Therefore, someone who is not very serious in their faith at this time may not be a suitable partner for you.

Past wounds from previous relationships are also another area that needs to be addressed as these can cause barriers to love and undue problems once in a relationship. Michelle McKinney Hammond is an excellent Christian writer for women on godly relationships. There are many other dating coaches, mainly US-based, and we can recommend Nancy Pina, a Christian dating coach. There are also numerous secular coaches particularly for women, providing a wealth of paid and free advice and in the case of secular advice, make sure it will enhance your relationship in a godly way.

So, look forward to the New Year with hope and prayer, and never give up!

We will be launching our new Christian dating site very soon so please look out for updates on our Facebook page!